Dr Felicity Lawrence explains how to control confrontations in toxic workplaces, and thereby protect your mental health.
Contemporary workplaces are arguably founded on two Universal Truths:
Universal Truth 1: Employees seeking to retain their job and salary are morally obliged to follow the workplace rules, behaviours and attitudes (e.g., collaboration, respect, etc.).
Universal Truth 2: Workplace employers and leaders seeking employees’ cooperation and assistance are morally obliged to provide an environment safe from physical and psychological injury (e.g., online/offline bullying and harassment).
These terms are violated when:
(1.) An individual or work faction disobeys the first Universal Truth and actively disrespects, bullies or physically threatens other employees, and/or
(2.) If workplace leaders ignore or allow these behaviours to continue, thereby leading to physically or psychologically unsafe working conditions.
I believe the first step to surviving, or even thriving, in negative or toxic work conditions literally starts when we deliberately and consciously set our intention to take action and decide to reassert our control.
We decide to move from ‘reacting’ to ‘responding’. This worked for me in my last public sector role. Learning the strategies and tactics to expedite this mental shift is incredibly empowering and helps boost well-being, mental health and even job satisfaction.
Why? Well, because YOU are back in the driver’s seat and are no longer a passenger. You now have choice when before you felt as though you had none. As I said, this is a subtle, yet powerful, shift in perception.
Controlling toxic work behaviours before it escalates and injures your mental health.
Using tactics to control negative or toxic work behaviours, such as disrespect or intimidation before it escalates through the workplace violence continuum into harassment, bullying and mobbing is a powerful strategy that can enhance your self-confidence and mental health. Studies found that negative or toxic behaviours initiated by co-workers can harm mental health, well-being, and job engagement.
Funnily enough, this research points to another simple truth that I bumped into during my doctorate! The faster negative behaviour is identified for what it is, the faster you stop berating yourself for something you probably can’t (easily) change, the faster you can control the behaviour and reduce the impact on you and others. A simple concept that is difficult to master.
Digging into the HOW and WHY behind toxic work behaviours is empowering.
Homing in on the HOW and WHY behind negative or toxic work acts are incredibly powerful. Why?
In brief, research has confirmed that learning to recognise the early warning signs can help you to fathom why the situation arose in the first place (e.g. ego, fear, anxiety, poor processes).
Not only does this help you to psychologically take the pressure off (again, these behaviours are probably not your fault), once you’ve figured out what is triggering the behaviour you can then dip into your Tailored Response Toolkit and choose your course of action.
The ability to ‘pause, analyse, and respond’ rather than react is tremendously empowering.
The power of staying calm while in the ‘eye of the storm’.
Learning to recognise the impact of fear, anxiety and ego-driven actions on you and others in your workplace can also help uncover why some people simply unravel or blow a fuse in different work situations.
This knowledge, together with some confrontation defusion tactics, can significantly enhance your capacity to remain cool and to respond, rather than react, in the midst of emotionally fraught situations.
Dr Lawrence’s eModule “Controlling Workplace Confrontations” is the first under her Bespoke “Reach Your Full Potential@Work” Bootcamp. It gives prevention and defusion strategies and tactics that help you regain control of negative or toxic work situations with an expert showing you the way. Email team@drflis.com for more information.
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Regarding the first universal truth, if the work culture itself is toxic due to poor management and their lax attitudes and behaviours, are we saying that we could be disciplined if we do not follow suit? Or should the first universal truth be based on the morals of the company as a whole?
Hi Rob – sorry about the late reply.
You ask a great question!
Based on my research & 25 yrs work experience in the military, private & public sector workplaces, if your employer or work leaders have ‘dropped the ball’ and, for whatever reason, are allowing a work environment where the explicit (employment & governance policies, procedures & rules) & implicit (attitudes, norms, ‘this is the way we do things around here’) culture actively ratifies sloppy or unethical or immoral or bullying or abusive behaviours and attitudes then…
….yes, you could find yourself in a position where you’re disciplined for not following what is currently perceived as accepted workplace rules.
Why?
Well, human psychology has found that (funnily enough) when people are doing something they know is a (bit or a lot) wrong, they really don’t enjoy being told, or shown, that they’re not behaving they way they should be. And, if the bad behaviours have become institutionalised, in a workplace, then you have potentially become what’s known as an outlier – the odd one out.
**Earlier this year I wrote a SHP article (https://www.shponline.co.uk/49062-2/), which included a free guide with more options that you may (or may not) find valuable.
I really am guessing about where you are at this stage, so I hope you’ll bear with me…
FIRST of all, take a load off and sit down and write out your personal and career values goals. Another way of looking at this step is to ask yourself: What are my (life or work) values and goals? WHY are these important to me? HOW do I want to reach my goals? …you get the picture…
SECOND, think about your values & goals, and analyse what is and isn’t working for you in your current environment (there is always a bit of a mix). Look closely at the length of both lists (Are the lists generally equal, or is one significantly longer? What is really going on in your workplace?) Also ask yourself: Can I live with any of the “bad stuff” to reach my long-term work goals? How long for? …ok, you’re now much clearer about exactly what you’re dealing with, and why, and how long you can stand it.
THIRD, develop a plan so you start focusing on your goals and how to achieve them rather than getting immersed or side-tracked by a work culture that you can’t (easily) change (unless you’re the CEO or the employer). YOUR PLAN is all about creating the strategies and tactics to use to help you avoid banging your head against a brick wall, helps you to get your job done & demonstrate your professionalism and ability to deliver, retain your well-being and mental health. Sorry to harp on about well-being and mental health, but if this goes it’s a LOT harder to self-initiate significant, positive change. Your plan also helps you focus on your life or work goals.
NOTE: Take your time doing this 3rd step as you’ll be surprised how this simple process can change your perspective and act as a motivator, and even boost your job satisfaction = well-being, mental health : – )
– A: Find a really good, politically savvy mentor or two you trust who can help you write up your plan. You need to be able to trust them, so seek external mentors if you need to! Be inventive.
– B: In your PLAN write down each issue/behaviour that isn’t working for you at work & develop 3 or more workarounds that gives you OPTIONS to prevent, pivot or side-step, control and interrupt, or defuse them.
– C: Now think about: How can I use this workplace to help me achieve my next career goal? How can I use what’s GOING FOR ME in this workplace? Can I join a work committee, group, activity that will introduce me to the people who can help me get there? Are these options internal or external? Who can help me? My mentor? My former boss? Start looking and re-evaluating your workplace from a perspective of ‘potential opportunities’
Done correctly, this is one of the most powerful processes I’ve found (it worked for me & changed my life). It really means you can start to decide what a ‘win’ will look like for you this financial year, this month, this week, this meeting. There’s obviously a LOT more involved, but this is a great first step.
Drop me a line at team@drflis.com and let me know how you go.
Dr Felicity Lawrence
p.s. If you want a personalised Toolkit for taking back your control in your workplace, feel free to check out my eCourse I’ve created around the same topic at http://drflis.thinkific.com/courses/controlling-workplace-confrontations-emodule.