Informa Markets

Author Bio ▼

Safety and Health Practitioner (SHP) is first for independent health and safety news.
February 3, 2017

Get the SHP newsletter

Daily health and safety news, job alerts and resources

The Banksy of OSH – it’s SHP’s Safety Anarchist

SafetyAnarchist Banner

The Chomsky of COSHH, the Adam Ant of asbestos, the Banksy of behavioural safety. Meet the Safety Anarchist (SA), SHP’s answer to the muddled world in which we find ourselves. Some say SA lurks in the shadows wearing torn, dishevelled PPE, and eats chrysotile for breakfast. What we do know is SA is opinionated, and not afraid to let it all out.


Having finished all the best Dickensian Humbugs I could muster for the recently passed season of good will, my new job here started by changing the lift musak which is still ringing with ‘…. Another year over, a new one just begun….’. Well flap your wings and fly away, good riddance is all I can say to 2016. Judging by the global agenda for 2017 I am already putting the sprouts on ready for December 2017 festivity. Can’t come too soon for me!

But while we take the rollercoaster over the highs and lows of the next year I am left wondering how will this affect life, the universe and everything OSH related?

With all this change afoot perhaps we can start some new OSH health conditions for 2017:

medical-1617377_960_720Appnaphobic – uncontrolled fear of web based technology solutions

Brexted, Brextout and Bremanic (all forms of Occupational Brexit) – a non-sector specific condition caused by confusion, angst and frustration, some cases exhibit a feeling of hyper elation yet others despair. Physical symptoms include raised blood pressure and emotional outpouring. Diagnoses is difficult and (as yet) treatment is not available. Highly contagious and measures should be taken to control work-related infection. Brexit mindfulness courses are under trial.

Commuter’s calf – also known as ‘stationary gripe’, leg pain from standing for long periods of time on slow moving or static transport systems.

Eyekea – seasonal eye strain caused by repeated rotation of assembly plans.

Non-specific pixelation – Caused by a blurring or lack of role clarity, work related expectations or job function – symptoms present as teeth clenching and suppressed anger, sufferers can often be seen with a classic ‘head in hands’ pose. A phenomenon of ‘proximity pixelation’ has been recognised when two or more people are involved.

Pension Deficit Disorder (PDD) – an age-related and progressive condition resulting caused by the realisation that retirement from working will eventually be removed as an option. PDD can be relieved through a course of ‘top up’ but this is only available to a few sufferers and symptoms usually return.

Socialitis exclusion – a group of conditions which include; ‘unfriending syndrome’, ‘block list depression’ and ‘trigger twitting’ most of these are associated with personal wellbeing and the uncontrolled need to share individual current status or thought. Symptoms are evidenced by emojis and made worse by network connection problems, which once resolved invariably result in an uncontrolled dialogue outpouring which is frequently regretted in the medium to longer term. For cure see: #getoverit

Textingle – a form of WRULD but limited to the finger tips. Caused by continual screen tapping (most often with progressive force). Textingle is also commonly linked to Appnaphobia and commonly age related.

It will be interesting to watch the New World Order unravel, (yet again). America is building a wall and Russia is brokering peace. Thankfully, we now have office cake bans to impose, so business as usual here at the offices of Anarchy.

To finish I will leave you with a quote from one of my fellow anarchists:

In a world like this one, only the random makes sense.” ― Libba Bray, Going Bovine

Live long and prosper! (roughly translated as; work hard, stay safe, keep healthy…. and smile).

SA sig

If you are compelled to comment please do so below, email me directly at [email protected] or tweet me @safetyanarchist.

Related Topics

Notify of

Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Vincent Holloway
Vincent Holloway
7 years ago

Nice One =D

7 years ago

SA, given the build-up, I was expecting (hoping??) for something a little more radical…
Reined in by your editor perhaps? C’mon, let’s make it spicier and more controversial – live up to your name!
Did bring a wry smile though and loving the Sex Pistol style logo!

Tony Hill
Tony Hill
7 years ago

Only wusses have Chrysotile for breakfast – man up SA and get some Amosite down you in a morning!

Alex Howard
Alex Howard
7 years ago

My three favourites are; ‘Non specific pixelation’, ‘PDD’ and ‘Socialitis exclusion’.